On this day of giving thanks, I find it fitting to take a catalogue of the many things in my life that I’m grateful for. It’s been a long road, especially this past year for me.  I’ve witnessed death, destruction, duplicity, and disappointment. I’ve seen great things too, where people have persevered to tremendous lengths to accomplish their goals, whatever that may be.

It’s a time for thanks, and also a time for reflection.

Last night, I broke ties with someone who I thought was a good friend for the better part of 25 years. It was a bit sad because it’s not the first time this has happened to the guy, where he let his incorrigible ego get in the way of his relationships. Short story is that he had always been the guy in the room who thought he knew everything and everyone – and if he didn’t know you, you’d be subject to a psychoanalysis structured around his unrelenting concept of his idea of what was right and wrong. It’s something that had come from his role as a big brother in the church I was growing up in. Some role model this guy ended up to be. Normally a fun, happy-go-lucky guy, if you let him under your skin, he’d come at you in his forbearing, know-it-all style. It is after all, his street smarts that got him this far in life. Until yesterday, I pleasantly put up with his bullshit, feeding his ego with the feux-respect he craved, and I did this mainly because I valued the friendship over being right. I didn’t care if I was right about things if it would maintain a relationship- he’d invariably find some way to argue and try to be right anyway, and last night, this behavior destroyed our relationship.

I knew it wasn’t a good idea to introduce him to my high school friends – but he insisted on sticking around, and so they met. One of the folks there was my ex from 1997. She had gone through some tough times since then including a divorce and a near-called-off engagement. When I turned my head, I found this guy psychoanalyzing her in his usual condescending fashion. I could tell she was uncomfortable giving personal responses to this guy she had just met for the first time, who was immediately throwing quips of questions in a noble attempt to discover the “truth” about her and her limitations in life. When I discovered this was going on, I warned him several times to stop, but his ego couldn’t relent. He couldn’t just have a regular conversation and get to know new people – he had to be a big brother and act like he owned the place. His face was akin to that of a coked out train operator who would not stop a train that was headed for certain death. He kept going until I stood up, demanded him to stop, and walked away. Only after this incident did he cower away and disappear for the night.

It was his ego, pure and simple, thinking that he could come into a new party, and “psychoanalyze” everyone by pressing personal questions portending to know the answers. It was his ego that couldn’t let him realize how disrespectful he was being in assuming he had the rights to broach deep personal questions from his angle of self-declared expertise- and then to actually volunteer answers as if anyone was interested in actually hearing them.

It’s his ego that had driven him to build a multi-level network marketing business (a.k.a. pyramid scam), and actually had the gall to ask me to work under him. He continues to try to build it in new countries where people haven’t caught onto the game yet. It’s his unrelenting ego that is the subject of disdain, broken relationships, and unnerving conversations. If I could see into the future, I’d think all the multitudes of folks he’s brought “under” him in his empire will catch onto the jig, and ultimately cause his financial demise. He prides himself on being a great salesman, and that’s what he is using to woo hundreds of unwitting Colombians to buy into his program. But hey, what do I know, I’m not into that nonsense.

I left the guy by the sidewalk later that night as he had retreated to hail an Uber – his pride was too much for me to let him give him a ride home. I also wished him well in his life and said my peace. I harbor no hate, no resentment, and the door of forgiveness is always open should he break his pride someday and apologize- but that’s like hoping for a lotto ticket to hit the jackpot.

Those who know me well know that when I drop people, they’re gone. They’re out like a bad habit. I have no trouble walking forward and not looking back either. It’s a surgically cold side of me that I hate to admit, but it’s been what’s saved me from mentally abusive relationships in the past. I almost would say this sense for bullshit has served me well in my life.

It seems to be a common thing more and more these days as I pare down my social circle to the people who really matter in my life. I think it’s the efficient part of me that I just can’t seem to shake. Sometimes I wish I was lazy about my relationships; sometimes I wish I could just let myself be easy about things. Perhaps it’s a development area for me, to slow down.

Well! I mentioned at the start of this venting session that I was grateful and thankful for many things in my life. Here it is in no particular order:

• An awesome family. For my parents who persevered through the unforgiving 70’s, 80’s and 90’s on their broken english, being fresh of the airplane. They hustled harder than most immigrants I know – and they made it.
• A super cool sis who is doing very well for herself. I am very proud of her and everything she has accomplished, and the mature woman she has become.
• My awesome girlfriend Sarah. Never have I met anyone with such a tender heart for people. She is not only intelligent and beautiful, but she is fun and laid back. We also share a passion for good food and traveling the world. This inspires me to take up marathon running so that I can burn the calories off!
• A unique, diverse, interesting, passionate, smart, and loving group of close friends. Our crew is truly one of a kind. With all sorts of professions, ages, walks of life, languages, religions, diets, and abilities, it’s kind of amazing what we can all accomplish. But more than anything is that while we are all high achievers, we value relationships above most else- I think this is what separates us from other groups of friends.
• My enterprise. I can say I’ve been extremely fortunate to fall upon the auspices that I have, and I am doing my best to be the best steward I can be of the financial engines under my control. I’m a true believer that fortune favors the bold (not just a beer slogan), and if one takes those painful leaps of faith, doors truly do open. I am thankful to have this door opened in my life, and I’m doing what I can to open that same door for those in my circle.
• My health. I’m thankful that I have relatively good health, although I am doing my best to curtail my drinking and eating too much. I know I have to do this now before I approach my 40’s.
• LOLA! My cute little pup that Sarah and I got together earlier this year. She’s now 10 months old, and has given back already so much love to us and everyone she encounters. I love waking up to puppy kisses and cuddles. She’s also given me a foreshadowing of what it’s like to be a dad.
• My faith. Ask anyone who really knows me, and they’ll tell you that I am a misfit, a worldly person, a sinner, and far from anything truly religious. A friend recently asked me at a party, “YOU go to church?” and was completely shocked. My truth is that I am an explorer of faith, and that it’s a lifelong journey for everyone, no matter what you believe in. I prescribe to Christian teachings as I learn them, and as I can realistically apply them in my life. I find it to be mentally rejuvenating to learn new wisdom to use in a broken world. And make no mistake about it, it’s a broken world indeed. I see broken relationships (see above), I see lies, violence, debauchery, and general pain and strife all around me. In this nonsensical world, my faith has been my cornerstone, my anchor in the storm. It’s therapeutic to me, and has been a great temper for my deep-seated anger issues (yes, I don’t get angry often but when I do, you want to stay away from the blast radius). My perspective on faith is that one should demonstrate it by action if and only if  it is genuinely inspired. I don’t ever try to evangelize others with words, or say something that I don’t believe in myself. I think to do that would be disingenuous and be a disservice to anyone involved. Bottom line – I’m thankful for my brothers and sisters and the community in which I am fortunate to be a part of, which is another group that is truly awesome in my life. It’s through this community that I learn more and more what it is to have faith.

I’m thankful for many other things, but these are the high-level ones. In the year to come I know I’ll have many more things to be thankful for. Let’s see what comes about!