There are characters, then there are very interesting characters. Some require more grace than others, I’ll put it that way.

I’ll call this dude JJ. JJ is an older bro 7 years my senior I’ve known since I was in my teens. He’s always had a superiority complex about him, which I found to be pretty entertaining when I was young. I now find it even more funny being a grown up man. To give him credit though, I definitely did look up to him as a young man, and took his advice when he would proffer it. When I’d meet him many years later, he had a sense of expecting his due with the ironically Korean (since the guy technically grew up in Argentina and NYC, but whatever) elder-respect point of view. Upon my re-encountering JJ in my mid-20’s, I remember he’d talk about how prideful he thought I was, thinking I was some kind of a hotshot. Later he conceded that he had misjudged me, but now again it seems this has changed.

A very interesting character this is.

He’s taught me some very funny things throughout the years. He’s taught me that truly prideful people are more susceptible to label others as prideful people- in particular when their own sense of dignity is threatened. To this guy, there’s always something to prove, something to need to lecture me about – and that’s cool, I don’t mind at all. I respectfully listen, and nod, and sip on my whiskey while parlaying conversation. But in recent months, the guy overstepped his bounds with me.

Without unveiling too much, the guy asked me to do business under him in what he denies to be a pyramid scheme to this day. The sticking point came about when I called him out on it, and my own expert consultant who knew the #3 guy in the business verified that it was, in fact, a pyramid. Now, I politely declined as this wasn’t my cup of tea, but if you ever meet folks who are gung ho in pyramids (e.g. Amway), the majority of their commission comes from the recruitment of people who recruit others- you can imagine the fire in their eyes to grab whoever they can in their subordinate army of de facto salespeople.

The problem for me however was actually not that it was a pyramid. The problem was that JJ was pitching this to me as a legitimate business opportunity to purchase an array of items at a discount (like a membership of sorts), trying to convince me that it was for real. I would much rather that he came at me with “hey brother, this is a pyramid. I’m running this pyramid like this, and I’ll give you real talk, if you recruit this many people, and get them to do the same, you’ll make a crap ton of money. Are you in?” If THAT was his approach, I just might have wavered. But pride is what makes this deception possible, assuming that I will actually fall for his persuasive sneakiness.

Pride is what makes it possible for him to put business before his own friends, and expect them to go in blindly when he fully knows what it takes to perpetuate this mastermind operation of a pyramid.

A few months ago, it was the last draw when we had discussed this business. I called it a pyramid, he called me prideful and arrogant. I told him that we should probably never talk about business again if we are to maintain a friendship, which I still strongly value and respect.

Some time passed, then over Thanksgiving, I tried to reach out to the guy when I was in town to catch up. His response: “I’m spending time with someone important. So I can’t meet you.”

It actually takes more effort and time to write this than “Hey I’m busy with my wife, let’s meet next time,” but this was deliberate, intentional, and stated in an unequivocal way. When I saw this message, I couldn’t help but laugh. I was like, really, JJ? I felt like I was in high school or something. And trust me, I know the nuances of text-joking after going through just about every permutation of text-misunderstandings and overreactions- this wasn’t a joke.

But I learned something that day. For those that consistently have something to prove, something to hang over someone (but realize they probably can’t anymore even if they once thought they could), there’s a kind of silent, cold, passive-aggressive “I’m too cool” bitterness there that eludes common sense. There is a pride that rules in a world where only they can be right. When they are proven wrong, they find something else to be prideful about. At current, for JJ, this pride and joy is his family, where I’d expect it to be.

Make no mistake – I have no ill will, no problem, no issue with JJ. He’s been a great brother to me throughout the decades, and I hope he’ll continue to be so. However, if there’s one thing I’ve seen already happen so many times, especially in the Korean community, it’s that pride and greed supplant relationships and create the deepest rifts I’ve ever seen between people. I’ve seen best friends become complete strangers. I’ve experienced it myself. It’s this pride that I hope won’t be what destroys the relationship between JJ and myself. I’d bet that if JJ was reading this post at this moment, he’d think I’m the prideful one, yet. To think that I had given my time, effort, and Korean sense of respect to a brother who would try unwittingly to win me into his pyramid scheme – well, that simply hurts, but hey, what do I know, I’m just being a prideful know-it-all, right?

For readers of my blog (all 2 of you), you now know that pride is a big issue for me. It’s a monster I fight all the time with limited success.